stars

heroes

Postcards In Books

Getting the train up to London recently, felt a bit like being in the library. Everyone was reading and I started thinking would the bookmark they use tell me more about the person then the book that caught their eye. A busy admin worker may use a pen, a teacher just fold the corners of a page. Would the traveller with a ‘what does my name mean’ bookmark be someone constantly trying to discover more about themselves. Would someone who uses a postcard or a photo have amazing memories, or a dreamer with places in the world they want to see.

These days lots of people now have Kindles. I remember when they were new on the market; my friend Tanya told me that every time she went for her lunch, people would say – ‘Oh is that a Kindle?’ She would then spend the rest of her break answering questions about how good it was and how it compared to a real book. She never got much reading done.

There are still the idealist, who stand by reading a real book. The Un-Revolutionists who would shun a electronic device or the inter-web-net for the feel of turning old pages and the excitement of delving further into a story. At my local library in Brighton they have story time for the kids, homework club and book signings with novelists talking about what motivated them and what they wanted to give to the reader. Recently Terry Pratchett visited to talk about his most recent Discworld Novel. The photos here are of a huge paper Dragon and the scales glued on to it are pictures that children and adults have drawn. The idea was to open the book to a random page, pick a word and draw or write something about it. The Dragon has now been hoisted up in the air – it looks Awesome!

A piece of advice given to me recently by my pal Hannah, was that when the Library gets boring – just find someone to play hide and seek with. But where would you hide? A random filing cupboard or a draw big enough to nestle down in? I reckon you would need to find a real dark, dingy corner to hide effectively, where they kept the boring old books.  Perhaps the answer is to just sit with a newspaper over your face in a crowd of people and try to look inconspicuous. I have been thinking for a few years now that the best place for a boy to take a girl to get to know them would be the Library. If you were meant to have fun it would be by messing around in such a simple place. Finding smutty words and rude sounding phrases to share with someone and try not to laugh too load. Interesting facts and pictures. The time would be spent pulling silly faces and doing ridiculous things.

To me the best date ever would be for me and a girl to put on our Ninja costumes, break into the library at night and steal the last pages of every single book. No longer would people be disappointed by how the story ends they could just make it up themselves. We would start a movement in society where everyone would burn the last page in every book and spotty teenagers would develop exotic wormy viruses that would sneak through the internet-web and kill every last paragraph. The Daily Mail would liken our society to Nazi Germany and Underground Gangs would no longer trade in drugs or guns because the last pages of books would be worth so much more. So if tomorrow you hear on the news about a library being broken into and the last page of every book stolen, then you will know two things. I finally had a really good date and that someone was just trying to set you and the rest of the world free!

This summer I was walking past a charity shop and I saw some ‘Choose your Own Adventure’ books  in the window; ones like my  two sisters had given me when I was a kid. The idea was that you choose how the story progresses and the ending was based on your own decisions. You could be a Spy, an Outlaw, a Mountain climber or just go and investigate a Spooky old house with some mates. Every so often the book would ask you to make a decision and divert you to another page. Would you go down into the basement of the Spooky house or just pussy out? When the Bear runs at you on the mountain top should you stand still, make a noise or run away. Personally I would start by craping myself, I can’t remember the answer so I should go back and buy the book just in case I get attacked by a Bear (if I ever go to Alaska). I should also let you know in a future blog.

Out of the 9 ‘Choose your own Adventures’ I saw in the window that day,  me and my sisters owned 7 of them. Strange? Could someone have bought my books at a car boot sale years ago and the exact copies were now there in that shop. I know there was someone who made the same bad decisions that I made. As a Spy they followed the attractive girl into a room and a Death Ray fried them, leaving only a shadow on the wall. I guess we’ve all been burnt in life in a similar way. Hopefully the reader got the chance to rescue Maid Marian from the Sheriff’s Tower like I did and they found out the Spooky House was nothing to be scared of after all. 

Our lives bring us to places where we have to make choices, some can be pretty big. It may take time to really understand what will make us happy and consider our options carefully. In life  you may have found the best characters, I have Awesome friends who have shown me what it means to be strong, they helped me find my way when I felt lost. Characters who have made me laugh till I felt sick and whose words have made me see the world differently. It’s the Coolest and most embarrassing thing to say to someone they mean a lot, so I rarely do. If you have friends in your life that support you this way, you are lucky and you have done a good job looking! They will support you no matter what! You're choices are part of learning and as such they are a gift

This may make perfect sense, if you are in a destructive or silly mood - Go and push over a shelf of books. Because only then will you have a very real concept of what life is about. It’s a mess! Pages and stories get caught up and damage each other, they maybe should have never been thrown together at all. But books can always be fixed. As you put things in order you can round up the books you want to have close. When you look back on your life the perfect moments you found will have been shared with different people, in a whole host of stories - good and bad. Learn, become resilient, stronger. Chaos can be the absolute best! You surround yourself with the people who mean something to you. Somewhere you will find your favourite book.

(Note: Do Not go and push over a shelf full of books – its dangerous and you will get in trouble. – it’s a metaphor)

Sometimes you will discover someone who is funny, kind, spontaneous, wild, all the things you try to be. My friends often tell me I am all of these, but I reckon I have a lot to learn from someone about those simple nutty things. Meeting up with someone on a date or making a new friend it can often be surprising to find someone who understands why you are so daft. The reason might be you have a lot in common or just luck that you get on so well. The truth from a boys perspective when you find someone you connect with - is that the girl sitting opposite is important and interesting. Every page you read meant you wanted to turn to the next…

Sticking your nose in a book can often be seen by others as a lonely experience, but you can always read a book together, with a person you have fun with. Life is about companionship, friendship and discovery. Reading is about getting to know about a place or a person a little better. These are the things that can change a life, an opportunity may come along that never will again. A chance to see where the Rabbit hole leads. In short  a New book can be an Amazing thing! Keep Reading

8 ZOMBIE JOKES for the Undead Stand Up Comedian

So I've been a Zombie for about 3 weeks now....I Love it! I do all my own Stunts. Ever since my mate Stuart pushed me out a window I've had a few problems walking, but other then that I feel Great! I'm out every night seeing friends for a bite to eat. Getting Shot, you know 'The Usual'

But being a Zombie doesn't pay the bills, so I'm thinking about doing some stand up comedy. Hope the jokes aren't too silly for you -

1. Hey Honey, I went into Zombie town to get that Shampoo you like. Cost me 'an arm and a leg!'

2. People say I've got my Mother's eyes... but I ate them

3. I tell ya, if I knew there was going to be a Zombie Apocalpse I would have surrounded my house in Treadmills

4. Just fed up of my Zombie girlfriend moaning all the time... pass me the shot gun.

5. Did you hear about the Dyslexic zombie... he ate my Brian

6. My Zombie Girlfriend jumps on me, every night when I come back from eating people. All she wants is Sex Sex Sex. I'm soooo tired and I just can't help dropping off now and then

7. What did the Zombie do after he dumped his Girlfriend... Wiped his Butt!

8. Met up with a cute Zombie girl the other night - she was all over me. Crazy! Next thing you know she's cooking me Legs for breakfast


Fin

Heroes

The Colour Run

Seems like every year I hear about lots of  new and really fun ways to support local and national charities. The idea behind the Colour Run is a 5 kilometre dash through several gates where volunteers throw powder paint all over you. The aim of the day is to raise money for 'Stand Up to Cancer' & 'Cancer Research UK'.

There's maybe not so much running but there is a lot of joking around and even rolling around on the floor in the paint (if you want to go for a more colourful finish). I accidentally ate some Pink - but I'm fine! After the race the organisers put on a DJ set, so the big crowd of people could have a dance and throw paint up in the air or even at each other.

I hope you enjoy the photos most are from my pal Celine (Great!) There was a group of about 9 of us; we had such an awesome time and Hannah organised for us to go to the pub after for a 'Bangers & Mash' lunch!

Locations for 2013 were Brighton, Belfast, Manchester and London with 2014 still to be announced -  http://www.thecolorrun.co.uk/

Football - When I was a Kid!!!

COMMING SOON!

Chalkin on the Pavement (Song)

The best songs for me are told as a story and not just a collection of feelings and ideas. I'm one of those 'Old fashioned' kinda kids who still buys CDs and reads what's inside. At Gigs I often try to listen to what is important to the singer on stage. Love, friendship and breakups - these are all things an audience can relate to but not always easy to explore these subjects within the confines of a verse. I see alot of new bands fall down as they don't take enough risks in their writing or forget that a person should walk away feeling they have truely learnt something new.

I have discovered some really great lyricists this year, far better then me. But I am happy that the songs I have written recently are just fun and nothing to be taken seriously! Here is my attempt at a mushy love song...

-

Chalkin on the Pavement

On my doorstep, I sit and I watch you

Chalkin pictures on the floor

We get talking

About all the places we never been before

You don’t notice, all the people smiling

But they stare at every one

I love to see that angry look in your eyes

When they walk across the things you’ve done

(CHORUS)

You’ll see a change in me

I got your drawings on my wall                  

All the places you wanna go

Yeah I think they’re Pretty Cool!!!!

I found your Dreams

In a Sketch Book in a draw

Gonna save my money

I want to help you see them all

I see the chalk dust, on the side of your hand

As you move your finger ‘cross the glass

The bus is steaming up, your drawing faces

At the people going past

You draw a stick girl standing with a stick boy

On an Island out at Sea

You even write on the window what they’re rowing about

So I know that it’s you and me

(CHORUS)

So the rain came down, with that crippling sound

I hear the parks gonna close today

So we grab some clothes and our mobile phones

It’s time for us to go away

The rain may have faded the chalk on the street

But not the promises we laid down

I watched as the colours fell into themselves

Like a Sunset on the ground

Like a Sunset on the ground (Repeat x4)

A Tiger's Tale

‘What of the Hunting, Hunter Bold?

      Brother, the watch was long and cold.

Where is the power that made your pride?

      Brother, it ebbs from my flank and side’…

                                                                from The Jungle Book

What I find the most incredible about Tigers is their adaptability and their nomadic existence. They will wander for huge distances in search of new hunting grounds. When I think of them nowadays I no longer imagine ‘Shere Khan’ walking silently through the jungle, stalking his prey. We often see photographs of Tigers in the snow (which always seems strange to me) and watch television programmes of them cautiously pacing through swamps and mountainous regions.

It is worth remembering that Tigers have been around for over two million years and in that time the Earth’s climate has pulsed from the frozen glacial ages to warmer wetter climates, bringing the forests and jungles we see today. The biggest cat of all is the Siberian Tiger, able to survive in temperatures as low as -35’C. There are three important factors which are key to a Tiger’s success. Water, a plentiful food source and just as important is the need for adequate natural cover. Without this a Tiger lacks the element of surprise in hunting. It also requires shelter to regulate its body temperature whether this is from blizzards or the suns searing heat.

There has always been a demand to see more of these creatures with their striking design. They have a hidden ferocity and strength, a lethal grace that makes them the perfect hunter. Their eyes are keen yet they have a wise look in them. There is a deep respect for Tigers within the cultures they have touched directly. In Siberia there are tribes that call them ‘Old Grandfather’ or ‘Brother’, protectors of the ginseng root.  In Warli marriages in India both bride and groom will wear red and yellow head-dress in their honour. If their tribe's Hindu Goddess of love sanctifies the wedding all will be well, if not the cloth will turn into Tigers and eat them both up!

Tigers will eat just about anyone: most commonly Bison, species of deer known as Chittal and Sambar, they will even chase a Leopard into a tree. But due to their size Tigers are very poor climbers so will often give up at this point. They can stalk a solitary animal for hours and will sometimes return to a herd for 2-3 days looking for the right time to strike. They are the largest of all the cats and require a huge amount of energy to keep them going. Therefore they will only sprint for around a hundred yards and aim to put their prey down quickly which is defiantly the smart approach. Tigers can also see in the dark and will become nocturnal if their prey is more active at night or if they live close to man and feel roaming in the dark is safer.

As far a family life goes Tiger males are always respectful to females and will not approach her for mating till she is ready. He knows this by the way she roars and sprays across the ground. Although males are often 1/3 times larger then a Tigress, she can certainly pack a healthy wallop if she is unhappy and so this respect is also another smart move. Tigers may fight Bears or Pythons, they may take on Bison three times their size and weight, but a female Tigress will always be his toughest threat. However if he is lucky he may have several females within his territory to choose from.

  

Tiger cubs are very inquisitive and playful creatures, always exploring their environment. Litter sizes range from 1 to 5 but on average 3 younglings are born at a  time. You may often see documentaries where cubs are wading in the water with their brothers and sisters, messing around with sticks or teasing smaller creatures. But work starts early and at the 3-6 month stage their mother will start teaching them the skills of hunting. It is common for a Tigress to catch a wild pig or young faun beneath its paw, releasing it for their cubs to make the kill. It is important that a Tiger develops the agility and judgement to take down an animal quickly, using gravity, momentum and the animal’s weight against them. If done incorrectly a Tiger could be crushed to death by a larger animal or more commonly they may suffer an injury. An injured tiger can not hunt and will inevitably starve.

The Tigress must always be aware of the dangers that her younglings face, there are natural predators such as Wolves or Sloth Bears that will take a cub if they are not protected. Fathers are often close by too and will defend their families against rival males. At around the 2 year mark a mother will force her cubs away, it is vital to disown them at this time. Tigers need a huge amount of meat to sustain them and so must branch out to their own hunting areas and this is why they are solitary for large parts of their lives. Also the Tigress will naturally want to start a new family at this time. As Tigers push out closer to human villages there is the danger of being killed by poison, traps or by poachers and its startling to think that on average only 1 cub from every litter will survive to full maturity.

Humans and Tigers have always been in conflict for a variety of reasons. Tigers are opportunists, they will kill and eat a human if one encroaches on their territory. They eat fish and livestock: they were considered pests when settlers came from Russia and the West, who killed them for sport and the desire to introduce wider farmlands. Their numbers have diminished to frightening levels with some species only having a few hundred left. In China Tiger bones have always been used in medicine and in Nepal their fur is used for religious ceremonies. Killing Tigers is completely wrong but it is something ingrained in the workings of these cultures, laws must be tightened and people re-educated to ensure any real progress.

Projects in India and other parts of Asia have seen the creation of huge National Parks designed to protect tigers, but the answer to the problem is not quite that simple. Many villages have been relocated to make room for the parks. This not only leads to resentment but also the increase of illegal poaching and fishing as former villagers believe they should still be allowed access to their ancestral lands. It becomes impractical to condemn the actions of others without at least trying to understand the reasons. Many people in these areas have families and want to create a better life for themselves. Uprooting communities in such a way means they have to rebuild their own economy: they need support to do this and help to build up new external trade links. 

As we know Tigers are hugely territorial, a single adult may prevail over an area of 4 square miles in the south to 70 sq miles in the north, roaming further when there is less food. With emerging cultures like China and India constantly pushing out due to industry and population growth, some species find themselves at the tipping point. The land that Tigers now inhabit has become fragmented and for them to stand a chance these must be connected by ‘land corridors’, allowing them to reproduce effectively. Their success will inevitably come down to those who are willing to take up the moral slack. A lot of hard work, compromise and resources will be needed, but I know I would rather read about animals in a magazine then in a museum. Humans are natural builders and we create amazing things. We are problem solvers and the world is a big place. We should be enlightened enough to find a place for everything we share the planet with.

I think it is possible to look into a Tigers eyes and see great curiosity and ambition. We understand that they have such awesome strength controlled by the truest of patience. They are intelligent and adaptable creatures. They have a Traveller's Soul. When I think about what motivates us in our lives and the type of people we want to be, than perhaps these are the qualities we both aspire to

MUHAMMAD ALI - Growing Up!

The story goes that at 12 years old boy growing up in Louisville, Kentucky only took up boxing when he found his bicycle had been stolen. At the time Muhammad Ali and his friend were attending a Black Community event in town.  Upset and angry, the young boy was desperate to report the theft to the police. He was taken to the basement gym where Joe Martin, a local police officer was training young boxers as part of the convention. Muhammad was distraught, saying if he ever caught up with the thief he would ‘whup’ him for taking his bike. Joe asked if he had ever learned to fight and when the boy said No, it seemed like an opportunity to give a young man some direction in life.

Muhammad was born into a loving, working class family with parents that gave him space to let his personality grow. In interviews his mother and father talk about him and his brother Rudolph with true pride. At school Muhammad leaned towards Art. From an academic side his teachers described him as ‘mostly average’ – as if a child can be labelled such a thing. His father was a sign-painter and later in life he was able to pursue art in his own creative and unrestricted way. He enjoyed painting murals for every church in the county. If things had been different perhaps Muhammad would have joined his father in the family business.

As a young boxer Ali did not really stand out. He showed great commitment and worked hard, but it was a few years before his potential could actually be seen. At first it was simply the pursuit of athleticism and all he really wanted was the chance to compete in local competitions and television shows. As a young teen he was in the gym six days a week. His goal was to make a little money, enough to buy his parents a good home and for himself – a Cool car.

The young Ali was in some ways very different to the one we see spouting out ‘put downs’ and poems before a big fight. He was very shy around girls and so maybe he thought the Cool car would help. By 18 years old he had won six Kentucky Golden Glove tournaments, two National Golden Gloves and two National AAU competitions. The local university was able to sponsor him to compete at the 1960 Olympic Games in Rome; however a fear of flying nearly stopped him from going. Frantically he kept talking about going on a boat but with his brother Rudolph and coach Joe, he braved the trip and came away with a Gold medal.

It would take money and notoriety for him to progress to the next level. I recently read a great story about Ali’s quick thinking. He was working with Flip Schulke a photographer for Sports Illustrated at the time. Ali found out the freelancer also did work for Life Magazine – the biggest publication in the U.S at the time. So he asked the photographer how he could get into Life but even with the Gold medal and a lot of great exposure Schulke did not feel the magazine would go for it. Changing tack Muhammad asked what kind of pictures he took for Life and was told that he speacialised in underwater photography. Thinking on his feet, Ali said ‘did you know I am the only boxer who trains underwater’. This was a complete lie, he never went in the pool because he could not swim. But he spun the yarn saying where as other fighters wore weighted shoes (or ’big old shoes’ as he put it) to increase speed and strength, he did something different. He told the photographer every morning he got into the pool up to his neck and threw his punches under water. The directors at Life magazine bought into this completely made up story. He got four pages of photos and the world read exclusively about this innovative new form of training

There was still a lot of work needed if Ali was to turn Pro and have a shot at a title. He put his time to good use, watching professionals, training with them and tapping them up for advice whenever or wherever he could. Here was an enigmatic young man growing in confidence by the day. He made time to talk to everyone he met and there was always a buzz around him. Muhammad was deeply respectful and appreciative of anyone who believed in him. No doubt he rubbed a lot of fans up the wrong way by mouthing off about every fighter he came across. But I suppose he realised he could throw a few punches before he got in the ring. Psychology was everything, he knew he would be going toe to toe with big sluggers with years of experience. Boxers who not only believed they would knock the petulant Muhammad Ali down, but had people on their pay role constantly telling them it was inevitable.  Ali won his first fifteen professional fights which amazingly featured a string of nine wins by knock downs. He was always moving around the ring, showing immense energy and hardly ever having a glove laid on his face. He signed a contract worth $4k per year salary with 50% of all purses. He even bought himself a Cadillac.

Muhammad Ali went on to be World Heavyweight Champion and described as the most charismatic person in the world by everyone that ever met him! In interviews we saw such self belief; an incredibly funny guy who always showed respect to fighters who made him think and gave him a tough time in the ring. He made it ok to be cocky and showed huge enthusiasm for the sport. Ali remains a big influence in my life because of the simple yet powerful things he said. As a kid I saw an interview where he said he was always going to be ‘The Greatest’ whatever profession he had found. He said if he was a Trash man he would have dunked more trash cans in an hour then anyone else. I have always believed that whatever our function is in society, we all have the opportunity to achieve great things with the hand we are dealt. That everyone can lead a meaningful life, it’s down to how we treat each other and the respect we have for ourselves.

At 16 years old I started at college and also flipping burgers at McDonalds, a job we heard about through a friend of my Dads. I did not want to disappoint anyone so I worked dead hard. Cooking, cleaning and lugging round stacks of boxes far heavier then I thought I could ever lift. Every pay check bought me a new music CD. In the kitchen we all spent busy lunchtimes singing songs together, from Buddy Holly, to early Beatles and classic Rock. Our manager went mad at us when we ran out of food but a ‘no singing ban’ never lasted very long! The job paid for my bus fares to college, my books and my beer money. After that I went to work in a bank and later in large offices; always having the chance to meet and work with some fantastic people!! The job could be stressful, boring, infuriating… but every time I know I have tried to hit it with all the energy and enthusiasm I can muster.

When I first went to work in a large office my team leader Tamzin, took me to one side and said. ’You’re a great guy, but you are working in an office with 40 people, what are you going to do to stand out?’ There was so many characters around me…all I had was a daft sense of humour and I liked to be helpful and ask people what they were up to. Sometimes little things can change you in a big way and even when work gets stressful I try to enjoy the fact I am around people I truly care about and we spend most days laughing all we can. I think I stand out - I have a habit of saying the first and often most stupid thing that comes into my head. Sometimes I get hacked off and erupt into a constant flow of drivel and opinion without thinking any of it through. But no one seems to mind and well, I never said I was ‘The Greatest’.

  

COMMING SOON!

The Red Indian Above The Curtains

Muhammad Ali

Stars: Why your place in the Universe isn't so little

A Tigers Tale

and maybe something about me.... 

#GRAFFITI Brighton '13

Just some of the Artwork, Ideas and Adverts you might see round Brighton's back streets.
Blink and you'll miss it !

if Eminem was drinking in West Street Brighton

8 Mile music starts…..

He’s Drunk and Sweaty, chatting up some Ugly-Betty,

There’s vomit on his sweater already, ‘Uncle Ben’s’ (microwave) spaghetti

Mates come over, drag him to Weatherspoons for a cheapy round.

Doubles up his Jack for an extra £1

Wants Onion rings, barmaid says they aint servin now

Goes quiet, he drops a C bomb so proud.

Laughing, all his mates are choking now

why’s he call the barmaid a B word so loud?

she’s gonna get them all thrown out

Time up - she calls the Bouncers over, now all their fun's over BLAUW!

Thrown out in the street again…

Whoops there goes Gravity !!!

He wont stop rabbiting

Tries to kick off, but the bouncers put him down easy.

He aint broke, he can stand

but he can’t walk that easy....
Hen Do in 'Revs', the men gettin sleazy 

Goes to 'WooWoos' and loves that its cheesy !

Gets a Chilli-flavour-Shot as a free-bee

‘They forgot to ID me’  : )

And the drinks go on and on and on

He’s mates only drink harder, they make him drink harder

He’s rubbin up against a drunk girl in ‘Oceana’

Tries to pick her up but they both fall over.

She tries to hobble off, he still wants her mobile number

She says No and then she calls her own father

But the beat goes on da da dum da dum da da

Kebab and Chips, get the squits

Start a fight - take some hits! Puking on his ‘K Swiss’

Try to miss your trainers if you bout to blow !

This opportunity comes once in a life time - YO!

Loose yourself, stumble home

Loose your mates, ‘ Where’s my Phone?’

Where has all your money gone?

Should have kept some Bus fare in your Socks

This opportunity comes once in a life time…..

If you have just one chance, one opportunity to go drinking in West Street…… Don’t !

Beach Afternoon

When the good weather finally arrives everyone is suddenly in a better mood. I have always thought it has a lot to do with pretty girls wearing bright summer dresses. Now I know the ‘official reason’ is a lot more scientific. The Sun of coarse emits a form of energy and in nature a calling for animals to come out of hibernation and start reproducing. Food sources replenish: the land grows lush. Psychologically speaking people are excited about ‘Get-aways’, Holidays and late nights out in town. But definitely a key factor is skimpy dresses! Put simply: Hotter weather ÷ less clothes = Hotter looking people. (Maths was never my best subject). Summer time comes and everyone’s thinking about Sex all the time….. I know I am!

Brighton beach in the summer is jam packed with people wandering around and interesting things going on. There are often Human Robots and Michael Jackson impersonators. Sometimes you will see Dancers, Sword-swallowers and stalls along the promenade with affordable wares. Bars to drink with Singers singing; Jugglers juggling and Basketball players…basketing? Plenty of little games to play on the Pier and fast rides placed precariously close to the edge. The Sun reigns high in the sky and brings with it all the things we have missed. I feel the heat as it presses down on me. I can smell the salt from the sea and the vinegar on my chips. Kopperburg, Ice-cream and lazy afternoons sitting with work pals on the beach.

On Saturdays the office closes for business at 1pm. In the good weather its tradition for us to grab some booze and meet up by the shore. We hope to see faces from the past – Allie, Sam, Grant or Jo or maybe even Emily. Everyone’s smiling, talking and joking around. Vague and idle clouds are smudged against a brilliant blue sky. Everything feels lazy, even the waves have little strength to claw away the pebbles. Slumped together in a circle we take the mickey out of each other and the girls make me drink shots to see how silly I get! 

Last weekend Stuart and Hannah.B  a.k.a ‘Biscuit’ organised a picnic on the lawns. Just behind the beach huts there is an area of grass where we can sit together and play ball games. Everybody chipped in a little money or bought drinks and food along. The spread was immense with a smorgasbord of global delights. Tikka Pasties, French sticks, XXX.HOT Mexican Cheddar, BBQ Chicken and Sweet and Sour Pork Bites. A meal infused with all the cultures of the world, brought to us by TESCO and served on mother natures table. In all its glory Celine’s homemade salad looked gorgeous, though sadly contained cucumber.

There were nearly 30 of us this year, though many faces were missed. But we did have some little children join us, so bad swears were a no-no! They played together and my friends ran after them, ate crisps and snacks till our belly’s were sore and our legs’ grew tired. Later their parents packed them into their buggies and took them home for snuggles on the sofa and rubbish TV. To a child the sea is a magical place, we  look out together and wonder what amazing things are left to discover. Tiny glimmers sparkle across the water and converge into a trail of white light that leads beyond the horizon. This must be the way Peter Pan leads all the lost souls to help them find their rest. There are certain kindnesses we forget as we get older. Days like these remind us of the importance of sharing and ‘please and thank you’. Without the laughter and mischievousness we learn as children we all risk drowning in the mundane.

One thing I hope will be true as long as it can be: that myself and my work pals will meet up every summer, sit by the sea and drink ourselves into oblivion. Maybe Leroy and Henry will make a little fire and I'm sure the girls will endlessly take photos. Its funny watching them agonize over which pictures they look the best in - the one’s they’ll put on Facebook. There will be days that we watch the sun melt across the sky and sink into the sea. The wind may gather about us and the crowds that flocked here just scurry away. But we will sit here chatting and laughing long into the evening. Or at least till one of us realises how cold it has become.

The GREAT ESCAPE New Music Festival

Every year ‘The Great Escape’ festival for new music comes to my home town of Brighton. With 350 artists playing in over 30 venues, the element of choice can seem overwhelming. If you are too brassic to buy tickets for this 3 day event, there are still some top bands playing for free as part of the ‘Alternative Escape’. So if you’re in town next May there’s simply no reason to miss out.

If there are artists you really want to see, my advice would be get there early for the band that are playing before them. Queues can form round small venues really quickly.  If you just fancy drifting around without a plan, it can be fun just to take your chances on an artist based on a great name or a intriguing synopsis in the programme. Hows about a gamble on ‘Bombay Show Pig’ or ‘Huskey Rescue’ for example. Whatever happens you are bound to come away discovering a few bands you will definitely follow in the future.

First up, the band I really wanted to see (bit of a girlie choice) – Wolf Alice. The music they have put out so far has been so varied: from guitar driven Pop Rock that takes me back to the 90s, through to the chilled out and serene. Their leading lady's vocals have a natural way of evolving through each track. Despite a sketchy first song and an unforgiving sound system I can tell they will be a really good live band for the future. I am already hearing that they are playing lots of festivals and have occasionally been appearing for free.

Giggin in Brighton (or anywhere) is all about atmosphere and this doesn’t always go hand in hand with the bigger clubs along the seafront. Sometimes you are better off going for a fun band in the basement or the backroom of a small pub. It’s all about the sticky floors, the joking around from over confident singers and girls dancing with the same grace and elegance as cigarette smoke on the night air. There’s also the fellas bouncing around, hopelessly drunk on the occasion and a days worth of reveling. I don’t care how practiced they are, a guy will always look terrible dancing beside a girl and I find gently rocking with a constant beer in my hand avoids any embarrassment.

Venues are as diverse as the music on show. There are artists playing stripped back sets in some of the Churches in town. You can even creep around Brighton museum and listen to people playing acoustic guitar and singing amongst the exhibits inside. The scratching noise of  fingers as they scrape across a fret might not be the most pleasing sound; but it will always remind me of being little and sitting by the bedroom door, while my Dad thought he was practicing his guitar on his own. You may come across some people’s music you think is absolutely terrible, but there is generally something interesting you can take from everything you’ll hear. Sometimes its good enough just seeing other people enjoy the show or the smile on the artists face when they finish to rapturous applause.

Friday was a great night! I missed out on the chilled out Swim Deep due to queues, but a friend suggested we check out Mikal Cronin a songwriter from California. Now don’t call me a Racialist but I wasn’t confident I would like seeing a band where all the boys’ hair cuts were longer then the girls, but they were Ace! It’s not often you’ll see four guitarist standing in line, belting out tunes with as much Awesome power as if Michael J Fox had linked them up to one of Doc Brown’s Amplifiers. We then headed down to the Haunt to watch ‘Merchandise’ a band NME have been raving about recently. They were good but afterwards the Palma Violets showed up as mystery guests and took things up an extra notch.

The Palma Violets can definitely put on a show and kept the crowd hungry all the way though. Even base and lead guitarists got involved with the crowd surfing, still playing as they rolled across the excited waves of fans. I would definitely recommend their album, there are echoes here of all the 80s punk and Mod classics I learned from growing up. Another band of the moment - Bastille also played the Great Escape. The success of their debut album and anthems like Pompeii and Laura Palmer have granted them passage to the big festivals this summer. But when the drums stop beating you’ll hear them sing the kinda songs you might wrap around someone who is hurting; when a slow dance in the lounge seems better then anything you can think of saying.

I guess I will always be more of a lyricist then a musician. Hopefully one day I will write something as emotive as a song. What I wanted to find at the Great Escape were interesting and believable lyrics; stories from the everyday. Songs about the elation of meeting someone so special that you have to tell your mate about her over a pint or the things someone may talk about while sitting on their best-friend’s bed. I definitely found these things as well as great tunes about getting embarrassed or just riding the bus!

Stepping away from the mainstream the people I saw have no arrogance. They sing about sex and relationships as a form of connection rather then just brag about it. I often listen to the UK Top 40 and I’m not saying ‘I don’t enjoy it’ but it’s nice to get away from people describing love in a very 2 dimensional way. Or just silly people who think they can actually fly ?!? It’s because of the honesty of their lyrics and sense of discovery that I really like the '1975’ at the moment and I’m always on the look out for a great new Indy band. To me the best tracks are the ones where the guitar playfully wanders off the main flow of the song, as a little kid may skip around their parents and run away as they walk along. Some of the artists appearing at the festival will have a great career ahead of them some may not get what they hoped for. But its good just to share in the snippets of their lives.

Saturday night, it’s late and a few of us are heading down to Blind Tiger Bar to catch the last few bands and maybe a dance after. Passing by a restaurant I see a waitress singing and strutting around as she is clearing the plates away. The place is empty so she can crank up the volume as load as she wants. Its not easy to talk about music without the old clichés but it is definitely the best way we have for expressing how we are feeling or how we want to feel. Maybe she will get the night off so she can go next year : )

The War of The Worlds Ball & The Legend of Stuart Draper

Seems like bumping into pretty girls in town while having a gob full of food has become a recurring theme for me in 2013. Then comes the ‘what you been up to’ conversation when suddenly I can’t think of anything vaguely interesting to talk about. So far my answers have been, ‘well sorting out the garden’ or ‘went down the pub Friday – had a KFC’. Surprisingly these kinda clumsy, unplanned chat up lines often get a good response and looking into a little lady’s misty eyes as they talk about how lush Kentucky Fried Chicken is, seems a great reason to be late for work. I can’t help but nod when people say the gravy is an ‘absolute dream’ and I find KFC a perfect venue for a second date.

Turns out my life has actually been very interesting lately. But its only when they walk away I remember this– Hey I’ve just been to a wedding in Texas… Come back so I can tell you how Cool I am! So I got to thinking why not write a blog about it all, if only to help me remember what the hell I’ve been up too.

So the other week I went to see my pal Hannah in a production of ‘The Boyfriend’ at Brighton’s Little Theatre. A tongue in cheek comedy set in the 1920s with singing and dancing- the whole Shebang! I wasn’t sure that I would like the show, I’m not use to going to the theatre, but I really, really enjoyed it! Hannah’s singing voice was a lot stronger then I was expecting and I was glad that a recent ankle injury from a Netball game didn’t stop her from dancing. I realised I’m just not use to that warm feeling inside from watching something inherently good natured. Seems such a novelty these days.

Last weekend me and my good pal Stuart Draper (name drop) attended the War of the Worlds Ball at Scala, in London. Stuart, a screenwriter and one of the best Quiz masters ever, is always going out somewhere interesting. The War of the Worlds Ball: essentially a chance to watch live music but with everyone dressing up with a space age theme. My favourite costumes included a girl as Daryl Hannah’s character from Bladerunner, The Clockwork Androids from Doctor Who (Episode – The Girl in the Fireplace) Princess Leia…. now I’m trying to remember who else, but all I can think of is scantily clothed ladies. I guess this was just a chance for people to dance and go a bit mad!

Stuart Draper is known as one of the great dancers of our time, he has won awards for it. By awards I mean he won a hat once at the ‘Sticky Mike’s Frog Bar Film Quiz’, where he beat a group of semi drunk contestants (including Pete from Big Brother 127 or whatever) by dancing to ‘I Just Cant Wait to Be King’ from Disney’s the ‘Lion King’… I’m sorry that sentence just got away from me there. Our quiz team didn’t do very well that night, but it definitely rates in the top 53 most exciting moments of my life so far. For those of you who have seen Stuart dance you probably can’t work out why he hasn’t featured in a Fatboy Slim video yet. I suppose his style is far too Electro for all that jazz !?! People keep telling me he is the ‘King of Cool’ and I’m getting really bored with this now.

The evening featured some intriguing cabaret acts, but things kicked off proper with the glorious ‘Sam and The Womp’, a Balkan sounding dubstep group featuring a brass quartet. What’s not to like about that? They are a great live band and after them we saw an enigmatic and energetic performance from the Correspondents just back from a 4 year hiatus. The night finished with some awesome DJ sets and with battle clad attendees and alien esque dancers jumping on stage. At 4am the lights came on and we were gradually forced from the dance floor like a sad exodus of Martian settlers from their war torn lands.

So many people put effort into their costumes: from the girls who had white lights under their dresses and in their hair, to the futuristic Imperial Guard or the giant Green Alien. Although myself and Stuart going as Superman and General Zod was no doubt the ‘Sexy Option’ we really didn’t spend too much time thinking about it or making our getup. A really fun night out which was largely down to great music as well as the atmosphere. I would definitely do something like this again….

Percival – The Purpose of Knights

Around the 5^th Century AD the Roman Empire began to shrink and eventually collapsed. Most believe it had grown too large, attacked from all sides it became impossible to defend. In its dying years the Empire broke in half with two Emperors ruling the East and West, yet still badly governed. The people of Britain looked to Rome for reinforcements against the invading warriors, but help would never come. This was the time of stories about Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table.

The Dark Ages were named because of the lack of written material that survived, which in turn was largely because most Britons could not write. Early poems like ‘Gawain & The Green Knight’ or Malory’s book ‘Le Morte Darthur’, widely thought to be Arthur in his truest form, were not completed till the 14^th & 15^th century. Before this the legends of Camelot were told by word of mouth and possibly 1500 years later we still tell these stories to children. The stories themselves became a living, breathing thing; with each storyteller bringing a new and interesting message or spinning its tale to meet their own agenda. The constant in each telling are the values of bravery and looking after those who need our help.

When I was a kid, my Aunt gave me a book about the Knights of Camelot. My favourite character was Percival; he was not born into a noble house, instead raised in the wild forests of Wales by his mother. He was impulsive, angry, a nervous chatter. Percival was never meant to be a Knight he just killed a bully and robbed his armour. Here was me angry at myself with any failings, whether it be learning stuff or loosing a running race. Frustrated with all the injustices of the infant school playground. A little scrapper at times, a dreamer and often feeling out of my depth.

My parents divorced when I was about 3 or 4 years old and things were difficult for a while. My Dad moved to a flat in town and understandably we didn’t have a lot of money. My sister’s had to give up learning their instruments and clubs. We couldn’t afford to buy new things, but being the youngest this was normal for me. Life was still good - we had a nice house to live in and a little garden with tall trees that were good for climbing and for goalposts, so all the kids in the street liked to come round. Every Friday Mum bought us each a chocolate bar if we were good and Christmas we always had great presents from both of them. Books became a perfect escape, laying down in my tiny box/bedroom.

I remember the Saturday shop with my Mum, getting the bus into town and helping her with the bags. I doubt mine would have been heavy, I was about 4 years old, but I do remember the hill we had to climb which was pretty much vertical! So from being young I was taught that everyone around me had needs and life was not just about doing the things I wanted to do. I will always be grateful for the sense of grounding and purpose I learned as a child. As I grew older the books given to me of Knights and of Robin Hood offered a clear understanding of how to treat people, before I was drawn to the alluring world of computer games that didn’t take forever to load up. 

My favourite chapter of Percival’s life doesn’t involve a great battle or the rescuing of a lady from a gang of brigands. It’s a tale more human then that. Badly wounded after a fight, Percival stumbles across the hidden castle of Carbonek, where its master invites him to stay and heal himself. That night he sees a procession of men and women carrying the Holy Grail and the bloodied Spear through the castles’ corridors. The Knights had quested for the Grail for many years. He follows but looses them, instead coming to a room with a chess set and two empty chairs. As Percival sits down, a chess piece moves and he finds himself playing against an invisible opponent. Each night he returns to the room, but loosing every game he becomes more and more frustrated. Eventually he takes his sword and smashes the board to pieces. In his rage he does not hear the calling of a woman asking him to stop. But hearing the sound of footsteps behind him, he turns raising his sword to defend himself… his heart breaks, it is Blanchfleur a girl he had fallen for in the days before becoming a knight. In that moment when he sees her look of fear and disappointment, he knows he has failed his test.

Percival was not to be the one to bring the Grail to Camelot; the honour was to be given to a better man. Blanchfleur explains that since they met, her father bought her to Carbonek to be one of the keepers of the Grail. Percival’s part in the story would be to tell others what he had seen. One day he would help Galahad find the Grail, because only he was worthy of it. But Blanchefleur had never forgotten Percival and she would wait for him to come get her, when his part was done. 

I suppose I’ve never found it easy to promote myself as a person. I’ve started trying to recently but it never felt right, I know my flaws better then most. I’ve spent too much time in town hearing people talk about how good they are at stuff, bragging and saying how happy they are in their life. – You know the people that you just want to smack in the moosh! The stories I prefer to hear in the pub are the ones about the friend who leaves work early to coach maths and reading to kids at school. Or the girl who works in the café and smiles at everyone that comes in. She takes a genuine interest in all the customers who have time to chat. These people are more interesting to me and I bet they have met some great characters along the way! It seems a shame we often feel we can’t talk about these acts of politeness without thinking its taking something away from it all.

From the Dark Ages came an ideal that to my mind never really flourished as it should, when light (or the written word) re-emerged. It was the concept that everyone is important, no matter their standing. That those of us who are strong and have the most power in society, would uphold this truth no matter the personal cost. At least that’s what I read in a book when I was a kid.

8 Tips to Survive an Alien Invasion

If there is anything Hollywood has taught us, it’s that Aliens Hate us! They are not going to come all this way just to make friends. They want to kill us, capture us and experiment on us. They want to stick things up our butts and not even in a nice way  :(

So I know what you’re gonna say, you’re thinking with the vastness of the Universe, the nearest life sustaining planet is far too far away. Surely any intelligent culture will use up all its natural resources before it can discover a way to travel so far in space. You don’t believe it’s possible to achieve faster then light travel and this whole Einstein Rosen Bridge theory seems a little unsafe and uncontrollable. Well you are wrong! There is enough unsubstantiated anecdotal evidence to suggest Aliens have been watching us for some time now. So please check out my top tips to survive an imminent invasion.

1.)    Don’t Panic! Panicking gets you Killed. I like a nice Vanilla and Chamomile Tea… with ginseng!

2.)    Get Tooled Up: The first thing you’ll need is a can opener or better a Swiss Army knife. Food is going to be pretty scarce for a while so make sure you can get into it. You’re also gonna needs Guns, Knives and other stabbing weopons. I’ll be swinging my lucky crowbar – you never know when you’ll need to break open an Alien Death Robot and steal some technology.

3.)    Don’t stand near any National Landmarks. If you’ve booked a tour round the Whitehouse or going to see the Houses of Parliament you may want to give it a miss. Aliens will conduct extensive research in order to destroy us and are most likely to target half empty government buildings first. They’ll leave all the military basses and oil refineries till later.

4.)    No one gets left behind: Stay in small mobile groups, everyone can be useful so make sure no one gets left unless they are really annoying. When the Invaders eventually leave we will need to make lots of babies, so guys look after the women – especially the pretty ones!

5.)    Know your enemy: You can easily capture an Alien straggler by running one down in a car. Or you can ask a ‘Chav’ to go shank one. That way when the Alien is eating the over confident Chav you can just creep up behind and wack it over the head with a metal pole. Then you can mess your Alien up and find its weaknesses.

6.)    Take Your Vitamins: In HG Wells’ 'War Of the Worlds' the Alien invaders died out because they did not have an immunity to Earth’s germs. We should be so lucky! If an Alien captures you and sneezes in your face, you’ll be glad you took your Vitamins. Always grab any medicine when you can.

7.)    These Bombs are Da-Bomb! The internet is really great for learning how to make explosives out of everyday household chemicals. You can also try making the little ones that Kyle Reece shows us in ‘The Terminator’, however these are only good for knocking people off motorbikes.

8.)    Keep in touch: Get a Radio, both myself and other key members of the Resistance will be hosting a radio show everyday at 9pm.

So stay alive and fight hard, this is our Planet and I don’t want to get my ass probed!!!

#Oustanding!

Romance VS The Mobile Phone

I had been drinking in pubs for about 2 or 3 years before mobile phones suddenly became popular and affordable. Pub-life started to change before my very eyes. You could stand up and see people texting, playing games and comparing their phones with each other. Us guys got the run of the pool table and left the girls to it. The art of conversation just died around me.

Back then I was young, charismatic; a big name on the dating circuit at the time. But the dynamics of dating were now changing and those who thought themselves a ‘Player’ were about to get a crude, Vodaphone style wake-up call. The old excuses were no longer valid, ‘I’ve been away’ or ‘I didn’t get your message my machine broke’ these only worked for a landline. Every time I’m shocked when a girl grabs my mobile phone from my hand, saves her number then calls herself. Its terrible to think a previous suitor might have written down the wrong telephone number on purpose. I mean I‘m sure I never did that? I also learned the hard way, if a girl texts you and you don’t respond within 3 minutes – you better have a good excuse.

At the time I felt I had to have a mobile for work and other commitments and I hated people bugging me all the time. But there was no denying the benefits of having one. Easier to make plans to meet up with pals or know when people were running late. Women felt a lot safer being out on their own at night and now I’de never go out in the car without one. With that said I think no one goes anywhere without their mobile nowadays…. The unexpected message from someone special because they just wanted to see what I was doing. The mates that called me when I was living up north to check I was still alive.

I started out at a time when pretending to be interesting on a date was really hard. Now a quick trip to the bathroom and a bit of wifi and instantly you know tonnes about the band she likes or the book she is reading. Why not throw in a line unexpectedly from her favorite film (just don’t go to the loo too much). Advice: Be prepared for your date, friend them on Facebook or give their mate a call first and just like school, you can do the homework on the bus on your way there. Ok maybe a little underhanded, but in my defence, I love sitting down with someone and comparing mobile photos. Phone Apps are great for looking up the song she hears but doesn’t know the name or just finding out who is right about a fact before an argument starts.

Recently a bunch of us were having a drink and my friend Andy showed us an amazing App. You point the phone up to the sky and Google tells you the names of every star. Imagine that - you’re sitting in the garden, having a nice romantic cup of tea with that special someone. You can find out the names of the stars together and look up the Greek Myth that goes with it. Everyone likes a story before bed!  

So whoever said ‘Romance is Dead’ clearly had a Crap Mobile Phone